I Am Woman…Hear Me Snore….

We, women, hold the power of the world in our dishwashing pan hands. I came to this conclusion from years of marriage and motherhood. My family would spend their days searching for all their belongings, walking around lost in their dirty underwear if not for me. Not one dentist appointment would be kept….no dry cleaning would ever get picked up….a new life form would breed in our refrigerator and all our house pets would have to turn on each other to eat.

It never ceases to amaze me how I can live in a house with another adult but be the only one who knows that silly string will stain the walls. Or that turtles left on their own loose in a bedroom will disappear into space never to be seen again. And why do I find myself saying, “Okay…take that outside!” when one of the participants in said non-indoor water/ball/pet involved activity is also over the age of 40? I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong…I love my family…adore my husband of 21 years but I thought he had already gone through puberty when I said, “I do.” I know the trend now is to be involved with a younger man but I don’t think they were talking maturity wise. I find it hard to believe at times this “big kid” I married goes to an office every day where he is “The boss”. I must admit I have moments where visions of board meetings with him blowing bubbles and greeting his staff with a hand buzzer come into my mind.

My daughter, I expect to be scattered brained…she is a child. I am not surprised when she puts marshmallows into the microwave to “see what they would do”…this comes with the territory of being a parent. But I need back-up and my partner at times is involved in the wrong side of the learning experience.

We women as the weaker sex may hold the lower percentage of CEO positions, World Leader titles, and covers of Fortune Magazine but without us, the world would stop spinning. No socks would ever get paired up, no Bake Sale cookies baked at the last minute, no 3-D models of the Trojan Horse made in Popsicle sticks glued together at midnight, no knees bandaged, no missing hamsters found (who would have guessed the dryer), no tears wiped away, no stuck zippers fixed or no one to blame for everything and to hug as tight all in the same breath…if not for us? Woman-Wife-Mom…Thank God I was born female.

I do not understand how I am responsible for the location of everything in the house???!!!!! I may not have been involved in the last use of it but I am the one that is always asked, “Have you seen (fill in the blank)?” Amazingly I seem to always know where to look for it…whatever IT was…as I tend to use common sense and think where it might have been used last…thus dropped and left near, behind or in the area as NOTHING is ever put back where it rightfully belongs in this house!!!!!!

One day…in the not so distant future…my family will call out my name and I will not answer as I will be lying on the beach someplace….umbrella drink in one hand and a cabana boy in the other…someday soon….